You’re adopted! The Ultimate April Fools

Even though this was written for April Fools Day 2015, this is still an excellent blog from Elle Cuardaigh.

Back in 1974, when I answered a phone call from a woman I did not know, I was a high school senior. I was 18 years old. This woman said she was my sister.

I knew I was adopted, but I was never allowed to speak of my feelings or my questions. I buried it all deep inside. So when this woman said she was my sister, I knew immediately that she really was my sister.

And at the same time, I knew that all I had lived for those 18 years of my life, was not real. I felt like a fool. How many people knew? Why was I the last to know? I wasn’t the person I thought I was.

Imagine being a high school student with final exams and the prom and picking out a college and making life-altering decisions, well, I went through the motions of all of that, but I was in deep, psychological trauma.

My parents KNEW and chose not to tell me! How could I trust them again? And then there were the rest of my relatives who all knew…

So, for me, I am not the total unsuspecting person who finds out late in life that she or he is adopted. I knew that I was adopted. I knew there were unknowns about me that were somehow going to be revealed. But that did not soften the blow as to how I felt that day in 1974, and for years later, and even now.

The shock of finding out the truth, and not from the adoptive parents who ought to have had the guts and maturity to tell me themselves, is something that I never recovered from, Betrayal, lies, fear, mistrust, radical acceptance… yes, this is being A Late Discovery Adoptee.

elle cuardaigh

funny-adopted-cat-penguin

Imagine everything you thought you knew to be true was a lie. Imagine the parents you loved (or hated, or both) had deceived you your entire life, either with outright untruths, or lies of omission. And not about some small thing that can be compartmentalized, but something that permeates everything: Your origin.

This is what some adoptees must deal with. They find out when they’re a teen, or going into the service, or parents themselves, or at the funeral of their mother or father, that their identities have been based upon a lie. And let me stop you right there if you are objecting to your computer screen. Systematic lying, even with silence, is still lying. No matter how “noble” the reasons for doing it, it is still wrong. It is a betrayal that many can never recover from.

The lengths people will go to to “protect” the adoptee from…

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Pro-Adoption Terminology

So good to read what all wannna-be-adopters and adopters should comprehend. But they never will.

One that you forgot, Elle Cuardaigh, is “Gotcha.” As in “Gotcha Day.”

Many years before that term became popular by adopters, my adoptive mother used to say,”Well, that happened years before we got you.” She was referring to family events that were important for me to learn because I became part of the larger family and I should know the family history. Which I did learn because I was the innocent child growing up the only child of parents who were old enough to be my grandparents when they adopted me. It was their history being imparted to me. It was their memories, their culture, their happiness, their wants and dreams. And there I was, soaking it all in. I had no choice. It felt real enough to me because I did not know my own history. I was the captive audience.

Even as a very young child, I recoiled when I heard my adoptive mother say those words, “when we got you…”. I knew I was adopted, but did not know the details of the mother and father and anyone else I lost, but I felt that loss. It was like a punch in the gut to hear those words. My life, my history, began when they got me.

Yeah, so this newer, modern version that has morphed into “Gotcha Day” is a slur upon the only way adopters know how to tell their version of events that took place that led up to the main event of how each and every one of us came to be adopted.

Oddly, my adoptive mother was not aware that this term developed in the early 1980s and is now full blown, nor was she aware that the special day could have been celebrated as it is today. In that regard, I’m happy that the day I arrived in their care, or the day I was legally adopted, has never been set aside as a special celebration. My birthdays were hard enough as I always wondered who birthed me.

elle cuardaigh

marguerite-74886_1920

If you find yourself somehow involved in adoption, you will need to learn a new language: Pro-Adoption Language. These same words in the rest of society have completely different meanings. It is very important to know the correct terms, or people get their feelings hurt and the Culture of Adoption suffers.

Adoption: The act of legally severing ties to biological parents and replacing them with strangers who become the Real Parents.

Abortion: 1) Terminating what would have been the perfect child that the Adoptive Parent always wanted. 2) The thing all Adopted Children have been saved from.

*Adopted Child: Baby who was placed in the Wrong Tummy and was saved from Abortion by the Real Parents.

Adoptee: Newer, discouraged term for an Adopted Child.

Adopted Adult: ….what?

Birthmother or Birth Mother: A lesser mother, inferior to an Adoptive or Real Mother.

Birth Father: The man who gave birth to the…

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The Call to Adopt: Christians and Adoption.

Thank you for writing this.

James 1:27 “…. to look after the orphans and widows in their distress …”

Yeah. I never held it against my 31 year old father for making the hard decision to relinquish me into adoption less than one month after my 30 year old mother died. He was a devout Catholic and followed the advice of his parish priest.

It is the PRIEST who I fault. He said to my father at my mother’s funeral, “The baby needs two parents.” Sure, if you look only at the constant care of an infant, but wouldn’t it have been so much more loving, so much more caring and helpful if the PRIEST had offered help in the form of suggesting that volunteers from the church come in and help to care for me and my older siblings? How about donations of food, clothes, diapers, money? My grandparents were sick. Other family members had babies of their own. My father was stretched to the limit. He gave away his 5th child because a PRIEST put the idea in his head.

Oh, and, minutes after the priest spoke, a woman came up to my father and said, “I know someone who will take your baby.”

Her brother became my adoptive father.

Nice going, lady. Swoop down on a grieving husband and father. Take the baby off his hands, free up one more child that he didn’t need to feed so that you could pride yourself on procuring someone else’s baby for your brother. Nice going, Aunt Gertie, mighty Christian of you. May you rot in hell along with that priest.

This is not to say I didn’t love my adoptive parents, this is to say that my adoption was arranged by Catholics who were anything but Christian. I remain, and always will be, a “good without god” atheist; how I became adopted is just one of many reasons that I am no longer “a believer.”

Bleeding Hearts.

I’ve heard these phrases often:
“We always felt called to adopt.”
“We never felt compelled to have our own children, so we chose to adopt.”
“Adoption was laid on our hearts.”
“We prayed about it and decided we would adopt.”
“We prayed for this child.”
“Adoption was God’s plan for our family.” etc. etc. etc.

Each of these comments prompt me to ask this question: If you knew you were called to adopt your children, if this was your prayer, then is it remotely possible that you misunderstood what the Lord was saying? And if you misunderstood, then how is it so many are misunderstanding what He is trying to say?

I am asking.

I know so many women that have struggled with the pain of infertility, even so, is it possible that maybe, just maybe, the desire of your heart is louder than the voice of the Lord? See…

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New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s letter regarding Senate Bill 4845-B and Assembly Bill 6821-A

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s letter  to me arrived in today’s mail. His diplomatic response tells me that he will weigh “the merits” of the bill and will take into consideration the points I raised in my letter to him.

Without any actual dialogue, I have no idea if he and his staff understand this adoptee’s perspective. I can only hope his logic and reasoning will prevail.

There are thousands of activists in New York State who have written to him. There are thousands more adoptees throughout this nation who have also written in opposition to the current New York State bills waiting for the Governor’s signature to become law.

This is not over yet. I have hope.

Governor Cuomo, the evidence is before you. You must veto Senate Bill 4845-B and Assembly Bill 6821-A. It’s the right thing to do.

 

2017-6-29 letter from NYS Gov Andrew Cuomo - adoptees' bill

 

How Would My Mother Feel to Know New York State Erased Her From My Birth Certificate?

In these last few days days of writing to and calling New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo to Veto the current bills up for his signature (regressive Mother-May-I Bills A5036B/S4845A), I feel myself wanting to talk to my mother. But I can’t. She died three months after my birth 61 years ago.

I keep wondering what she would think and feel about being erased as my mother, wiped off of my official birth certificate. I feel sad for her, even though she really does not know what happened after her death.

But I was told that she loved me, she loved all of her 5 children. She was only 30 years old. I can’t imagine her sadness at knowing she was dying after giving birth.

How would she feel to know that New York State decided she was not my mother? Didn’t she give up enough? Her life did not matter?

How would she feel to know that I miss her? That I want her as my mother on my true birth certificate?

I fight for New York State to reinstate my real birth certificate, not just for my civil rights, but for her, my mother. She gave her life so I could live. Her body was filled with cancer, yet she continued to live so I could be born. And New York State removed her name from my birth certificate and replaced her name with that of another woman. And the amended birth certificate after my adoption even claims this new woman gave birth to me in the hospital where my real birth took place. Hospital records will show who really gave birth to me.

And please, spare me any arguments that I did not love my adoptive mother. That was a very complicated relationship, and only three people know what my childhood was like: me, my adoptive father and my adoptive mother. No one else knows. And no one else knows what was said between us in the years, months, days, hours before her death in 2011. My adoptive mother, for all of her faults, and for all of the hurt she cause me, toward the end of her life, she always spoke of my natural mother as “Your mother”. She spoke those words with a soft reverence.

Does New York State have respect for the dead? No. New York State owes my real mother respect and dignity. Right the wrongs. Identify my real mother. Release my real birth certificate. Reinstate my mother AS my mother, certify her AS my mother for all eternity on a document that will be available for me, for my children, and for my grandchildren. As it stands right now, my descendants will only be allowed to retrieve my amended birth certificate issued upon my adoption.

But no, that’s not correct now, either. Since I reclaimed my name last year, my amended birth certificate was voided because it has the wrong name on it. To complete the process, I am supposed to apply for a new amended birth certificate in Albany to update my “new” name so that the Vital Statistics Office will issue a corrected birth certificate. But that would mean that I, Doris Michol Sippel, would then be born, on paper, to Doloris and Edward Wheeler, who actually adopted me and changed my name to Joan Mary Wheeler in 1957.

The HELL I am going to request such a stupid document from New York State!

I already told the sweet man at the Supreme Court help desk that I would not do it. I am using my raised-seal, certified, medical record of live birth that was issued within five days of my birth AS MY IDENTIFICATION even though New York State does not recognize it as “legal” because it was revoked and sealed after my adoption. If I do not request a “new” amended birth certificate, I will continue to use my very old, pre-revoked and pre-sealed birth certificate. But if it is lost, stolen, or worn out, I do not have the legal right to obtain a replacement certified copy. My adoption overrides my real birth.

Even if New York State Health Department, Division of Vital Statistics does not officially validate the facts of my birth, I owe it to my mother and my father to fight for truth. Social Security changed the names of my parents in my official record when I presented my real birth certificate to them last year. Now I will continue to fight Vital Statistics to release the seal, to validate my real birth and annul any trace of the false facts put forth by the legal transaction of adoption.

Mom, I do it for you, too.

And for Dad.

You would want me to, wouldn’t you, Mom?

New York Adoptees Lost the Fight Just Minutes Before Midnight June 21, 2017

The bad bill passed the New York State Senate just minutes before Midnight, June 21 to June 22.

The next step, the Governor’s office.

In New York State, adoptees now are mourning. We must fight the bureaucracy. Tell the Governor not to sign this into law.

Beyond that, where is that civil rights attorney I’ve been looking for?

Give me back my real birth certificate.

Give all adoptees our real birth certificates and stop playing games.

Class Action Lawsuit – Where is that attorney?

 

New York State Senators Please VOTE NO on S4845-B & ADVANCE S5169-A (same as A6821-A)

I am a New York State Adoptee living in Town of Tonawanda near Buffalo

Assembly District 140

Senate District 60

 

Tuesday June 21, 2017

Subject: VOTE NO on S4845-B & ADVANCE S5169-A (same as A6821-A)

 

Dear New York State Senators:

This is my second email to you following the New York State Assembly vote of 120 Yes and 27 No for A5036-B.

I am including here links to two video clips of two Assembly members who were influenced to VOTE NO as a direct result of reading emails from adopted citizens.

https://www.facebook.com/adopteerightslaw/videos/1921502868131546/

Hon. Dean Murray

https://www.facebook.com/adopteerightslaw/videos/1921534404795059/

Hon. Robert C. Carroll

To All New York Senators: I urge you to watch and listen to these two members of the New York Assembly. They listened to us. I am asking you to listen to us. An Adoptees’ Rights Bill MUST be about Adoptees and Adoptees ONLY. Senate Bill S4845-B, with the amendments, has become a bill about protecting mothers’ perceived rights to confidentiality.

I urge you to VOTE NO on S4845-B.

Senate Bill S4845-B must NOT be passed into law. It is not about restoring adoptee civil rights to have access to our sealed birth certificate; this bill caters to the whims of a few scared mothers who inflict their pain onto adoptees who will then pay the price of their ignorance. If passed into law, this will further erode the civil rights of New York State’s adopted citizens. No other group of people must ask parental permission and be subjected to a judge’s final say to do anything in life.

Signed relinquishment removes ALL parental rights. Why would you vote to give some parental rights back to parents of adopted adults? Children become autonomous adults at the age of majority.

Signed relinquishment does not remove parents’ names from their child’s birth certificate. After relinquishment, the child is in the custody of the adoption agency, the state, or foster parents, or prospective adoptive parents. If the child is never adopted and ages out of foster care, that child maintains the birth certificate for life – without the relinquishing parents’ consent or power to redact their names from the birth certificate.

A child’s name and parents’ names are only removed from the official birth record upon the final order of adoption, not relinquishment. It is at the finalization of adoption that the judge orders the name and birth certificate to be sealed and a new one issued to replace it.

If you didn’t know that, you should. You are our law makers and you should know that the mothers you might be trying to protect actually have no right to even ask if their child has actually been adopted and they have no right to seek out the adoptee during the first 18 years of the relinquished child’s life. The judge tells relinquishing mothers and fathers to stay away from the adoptee and the adoptive parents. That is why the records were sealed – to prevent the natural parents from interfering with the new family.

Yes, I know there is open adoption. But even in open adoption the records are sealed. That makes no sense.

It seems to me that there might be a consensus to move toward pushing this bill forward into law because other states have passed similar confidential intermediary and redactive bills into law, favoring the unproven myth that mothers were promised confidentially.

Do you know the history of sealed records in America? I urge you to consider that each state in the United States passed laws in the 1930s to revoke and seal birth certificates of every child who was adopted to hide the stigma of being born an illegitimate bastard. The false birth certificate changed the legal status of the child; adoption by a legally married mother and father legally legitimized the bastard.

In today’s society, we know that not all adoptees were born bastards, and those who were, do not deserve the stigma. Many of us were removed from married parents and then adopted. Many of us were adopted by their step parents. Some adoptees were adopted by their grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or older siblings. In these in-family adoptions, the birth records are still revoked and sealed and new birth certificates are created according to the order of adoption.

Orphans are also adopted. (I am a half orphan – my mother died when I was 3 months old. My father gave me up for adoption). That means orphans, too, were born of married parents and then adopted.

But the New York State law that was passed in 1935 was meant to hide illegitimacy. What purpose does revoking and sealing the medical record of live birth and replacing it with a fictitious birth certificate do to legitimately-born children?

Why should adoptees, regardless of the circumstances of birth and adoption, be subjected to punitive laws that rob us of our natural born identities? These standards do not apply to non-adopted people. Altering facts presented on any other birth certificate would be perjury. But in adoption, it is acceptable. And expected.

The issue at hand isn’t about natural parents who want to hide. The issue – and the TITLE of the original Bill was ADOPTEE BILL OF RIGHTS. It was supposed to be about the civil rights of all adopted people to the truth of our births. With the amendments, S4845-B has turned its focus toward the misguided notion that mothers need protection.

Adoptees ceased being under the control of our adoptive parents when we reached the age of majority. Now New York State’s badly-amended bill will force us to ask parental permission from our natural parents who gave us up for adoption, and we will be subjected to a judge’s decision over whether or not we can have our birth certificate. The bill will give redaction power to the natural parents if they do not want to be known.

What other parent has the right to remove their name from their child’s birth certificate? None.

It would be an education for you to see all of my birth certificates: my hospital birth certificate, my short form birth registration, my long form medical record of live birth, my short form amended birth certificate issued upon adoption, my long form birth certificate issued upon adoption. To see all of my birth certificates, follow this link to my article published on my website: https://forbiddenfamily.com/2017/03/24/presenting-my-sealed-birth-certificate-and-falsified-one-as-evidence-of-new-york-state-fraud-revoking-sealing-and-falsifying-adoptees-birth-certificates-is-unconstitutional/ Presenting My Sealed Birth Certificate and Falsified One as Evidence of New York State Fraud – Revoking, Sealing and Falsifying Adoptees’ Birth Certificates is Unconstitutional

Once you see the evidence I present, I hope you will change your mind to VOTE NO on S4845B.

Please move Senate Bill S5169-A (same as A6821-A) forward as it focuses on Adoptee Rights without parental permission.

 

Sincerely,

Doris Michol Sippel

Born January 7, 1956.

Adopted as Joan Mary Wheeler on January 14, 1957.

Legally reclaimed name of birth on June 13, 2017.

 

 

New York State Senators Please VOTE NO on S4845-B

I am a New York State Adoptee living in Town of Tonawanda near Buffalo

Assembly District 140

Senate District 60

 

 

Tuesday June 20, 2017

Subject: VOTE NO on S4845-B

 

Dear New York State Senators:

After today’s New York State Assembly passing A5036-B with a vote of 120 Yes and 27 no, I urge you to listen to your adopted constituents. The Assembly certainly did not hear us.

Senate Bill S4845-B must NOT be passed into law. It is not about restoring adoptee civil rights to have access to our sealed birth certificate; this bill caters to the whims of a few scared mothers who inflict their pain onto adoptees who will pay the price of their ignorance. If passed into law, this will further erode the civil rights of New York State’s adopted citizens. No other group of people must ask parental permission and be subjected to a judge’s final say to do anything in life.

Signed relinquishment removes ALL parental rights. Why would you vote to give some parental rights back to parents of adopted adults? Children become autonomous adults at the age of majority.

Signed relinquishment does not remove parents’ names from their child’s birth certificate. After relinquishment, the child is in the custody of the adoption agency, the state, or foster parents, or prospective adoptive parents. If the child is never adopted and ages out of foster care, that child maintains the birth certificate for life – without the relinquishing parents’ consent or power to redact their names from the birth certificate.

A child’s name and parents’ names are only removed from the official birth record upon the final order of adoption, not relinquishment. It is at the finalization of adoption that the judge orders the name and birth certificate to be sealed and a new one issued to replace it.

If you didn’t know that, you should. You are our law makers and you should know that the mothers you might be trying to protect actually have no right to even ask if their child has actually been adopted and they have no right to seek out the adoptee during the first 18 years of the relinquished child’s life. The judge tells relinquishing mothers and fathers to stay away from the adoptee and the adoptive parents. That is why the records were sealed – to prevent the natural parents from interfering with the new family.

Yes, I know there is open adoption. But even in open adoption the records are sealed. That makes no sense.

It seems to me that there might be a consensus to move toward pushing this bill forward into law because other states have passed similar confidential intermediary and redactive bills into law, favoring the unproven myth that mothers were promised confidentially.

Do you know the history of sealed records in America? I urge you to consider that each state in the United States passed laws in the 1930s to revoke and seal birth certificates of every child who was adopted to hide the stigma of being born an illegitimate bastard. The false birth certificate changed the legal status of the child; adoption by a legally married mother and father legally legitimized the bastard.

In today’s society, we know that not all adoptees were born bastards, and those who were, do not deserve the stigma. Many of us were removed from married parents and then adopted. Many of us were adopted by their step parents. Some adoptees were adopted by their grandparents, or aunts and uncles, or older siblings. In these in-family adoptions, the birth records are still revoked and sealed and new birth certificates are created according to the order of adoption.

Orphans are also adopted. That means we, too, were born of married parents and then adopted.

But the New York State law that was passed in 1935 was meant to hide illegitimacy. What purpose does revoking and sealing the medical record of live birth and replacing it with a fictitious birth certificate do to legitimately-born children?

Why should adoptees, regardless of the circumstances of birth and adoption, be subjected to punitive laws that rob us of our natural born identities? These standards do not apply to non-adopted people. Altering facts presented on any other birth certificate would be perjury. But in adoption, it is acceptable. And expected.

This isn’t about natural parents who want to hide. This is about the civil rights of all adopted people to the truth of our births.

We ceased being under the control of our adoptive parents when we reached the age of majority. Now New York State’s badly-amended bill will force us to ask parental permission and be subjected to a judge’s decision over whether or not we can have our birth certificate? And the bill will give redaction power to the natural parents if they do not want to be known?

What other parent has the right to remove their name from their child’s birth certificate? None.

It would be an education for you to see all of my birth certificates: my hospital birth certificate, my short form birth registration, my long form medical record of live birth, my short form amended birth certificate issued upon adoption, my long form birth certificate issued upon adoption. To see all of my birth certificates, follow this link to my article published on my website: https://forbiddenfamily.com/2017/03/24/presenting-my-sealed-birth-certificate-and-falsified-one-as-evidence-of-new-york-state-fraud-revoking-sealing-and-falsifying-adoptees-birth-certificates-is-unconstitutional/ Presenting My Sealed Birth Certificate and Falsified One as Evidence of New York State Fraud – Revoking, Sealing and Falsifying Adoptees’ Birth Certificates is Unconstitutional

Once you see the evidence I present, I hope you will change your mind to VOTE NO on S04845B.

Sincerely,

Doris Michol Sippel

Born January 7, 1956.

Adopted as Joan Mary Wheeler on January 14, 1957.

Legally reclaimed name of birth on June 13, 2017.