What NPR Got Wrong in its Story About Ethiopia’s Adoption Ban

In addition to the points raised by this blogger – that not one adoptee was interviewed, not one birth parent was interviewed, that adoptee Hana Williams’s death was glossed over, and much more – I would like to highlight the fact that this Ethiopian adoptee was issued a false birth certificate stating that these white Americans gave birth to her. And since they murdered her, her American death certificate also names her adopters as her parents of birth. There is a hidden crime in all adoptions – and that remains the falsification of facts.

Light of Day Stories

NPR recently did a soft story: “In Ethiopia, A New Ban on Foreign Adoptions Is About National Pride.”

Here’s what went wrong with it:

In a story about Ethiopian adoptions, not one adult adoptee was included for perspective. Nor was an Ethiopian birth parent quoted, if any were even consulted.

The tragic death of Ethiopian adoptee Hana Williams was glossed over. Her murder by her adoptive parents was considered homicide by abuse, and roiled the Ethiopian adoption community as well as Ethiopians in Ethiopia and in the diaspora.

Fraud and corruption didn’t even get a mention in this story. Staff from one agency were indicted by the US Justice Department, pled guilty, and were given jail time. That’s not insignificant. Many adoptive families and adoptees from Ethiopia have learned that the reasons that adoption agencies provided for their adoption were not true or accurate. For example, many adoptees have…

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She’s Bad

Want to know what it feels like to live every day of your life knowing that you were rejected from the moment of your conception, and then your adoption?

This is how one woman feels. And I see this in many other adoptees as well. For these adoptees, each day is a reminder that your pregnant mom didn’t want you. And that sets the stage for a lifetime of self doubt.

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If only we could see ourselves as other people see us.

My feelings of being “bad” began in utero at the very beginning, at the moment of conception. These feelings are stored in my subconscious memory at a preverbal stage of life.  I was  born out-of-wedlock and I’m a product of a drunken one night stand, an affair with a married man.

BAD

The pregnancy was no joyous time for my birth mother. She knew she was going to give me up for adoption. I was told she was never seen without a drink in her hand, and she drank the entire pregnancy. Knowing these things, I believe my birth mother rejected the pregnancy, and I felt every bit of it in utero and I’m sure every day that passed she was eager to just get it over with, and move on with her life.

BAD

I was kept a secret from the world, even my own…

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All Eyes on New York as Regressive Bill in Motion! Write Governor Cuomo Today!

Petition by Tim Monti-Wohlpart, Brooklyn, New York.

This petition has 3,447 online signatures. Let’s bring the count up to 5,000.

This is about adoptees’ civil rights. We are urging Governor Cuomo to veto A5036-B / S4845-B and to support the true, multi-partisan and “CLEAN” New York Bill of Adoptee Rights (S5169-A / A6821-A).

For details, see the Petition Site here.

A Feminist No Longer

And here is the point I am desperately trying to get across to the rich, white women I know who think they are feminists:

“Intersectionalists want adoption and surrogacy available for their sociopathic convenience; they want someone else to endure the pains of pregnancy and childbirth while they focus on their careers. And this, folks, is evil. A choice is not a choice when it is the only option, and when coercion is the driving impetus. Adoption is not a reproductive right; no infertile/wealthy woman or LGBT has a right to the uterus, vagina, and baby of a girl or woman. This is exactly what present-day feminists ignore: YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL A GIRL OR WOMAN WHAT TO DO JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VAGINA. YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO ANOTHER WOMAN’S CHILD.”

 

Thank you, for your post.

The Burning Times of Vesper Woolf

Before college, I wrestled with the term “feminist,” as second wave feminism had barely hit my home – the American South. My forward-thinking family members didn’t embrace the term despite being pro-woman. I didn’t understand why. But I came to understand when I realized it is women, not men, who cause girls and women the most heartache and trauma. There’s more female-on-female violence, be it mental/psychological or physical, that goes unreported than unreported male-on-female. Whether it’s dangerous cultural “hen-pecking orders” that incorporate barbaric practices such as female genital mutilation, or for-profit private adoptions driven by women of means coveting children of the poor and marginalized, women are womankind’s own worst enemy.

I once clarified I was “second wave” in a feminist sense, yet second wave feminism ushered in a lot of toxic attacks on femininity, motherhood, heterosexual sex, and privacy. Second wave feminism created the “supermom” syndrome that has now…

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#MeToo: Hijacked by Rabid Feminists… Anyone Surprised?

Yes, Amber LaShea Geislinger, you are very beautiful. Unfortunately, your natural beauty is a threat to some women.

My 31 year old daughter and I had a discussion about the #MeToo Movement yesterday. Both of us noticed that some women are over-reacting, or covering up (as in your post here) the legitimate complaints of sexual harassment and sexual assault made by other women.

This #MeToo movement, and the take-down of prominent men has another unfortunate side to it. That is, our friendships are at stake. What do I mean by that? Men are afraid of women now.

Two situations occurred to me over the weekend. One, a long-time male friend of mine confided in me that this has gotten out of hand, that he feels any little gesture could be misunderstood. Here is a man who always has a bright smile on his face, never has anything bad to say about anyone, and is as sweet as pie. I could never see him harming any woman, yet, he is even afraid to ask a lady to dance with him.

The other situation was a case of mistaken identity by a professional musician. After the show, fans gathered around, talking with each other and the band. Someone came up from behind me, put his arm lightly around me, but when he saw I was not the woman he thought I was, he backed away and repeatedly said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I thought you were someone else.” I hope that he felt better to see my smile and to hear me reassure him that I took no offense.

What are we becoming? It is good that sexual harassment and sexual assault are finally being recognized and taken seriously, with consequences for the perpetrator, well, for the most part.

But the back-lash from other women, as Amber LaShea Geislinger points out, and the uneasy atmosphere between men and women who are genuinely simply socializing, is putting a strain on us all.

The Burning Times of Vesper Woolf

Last week, my state – Alabama – held a special Senate election. And the entire world watched. Doug Jones, prosecutor of the 1963 16th Baptist Church bombing, won over the child predator Roy Moore. My husband and I got up early and voted to save the rest of America from the influence of Alabama’s infamous resident racist misogynist. Roy Moore, a creepy evangelical, pulled support from counties it’s best to just drive through:  St. Claire County and Cullman County, the latter was the seat of the KKK for decades.

I support the women who have spoken out and tweeted #MeToo. Yes, it’s a gutsy thing to take up for yourself. And let me tell you how that went for me just over a decade again in a small college town in Alabama:  It didn’t. I was passive-aggressively threatened by the administration, primarily the office of Human Resources and its Director…

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Hope is Not a Mercy in Adoption

Here are the words of a mother-of-adoption-loss. Her grief compounds with each passing day, and year.

It is important for the general public to realize that there is a MOTHER who grieves silently behind the scenes when you see a “happy” adopted child, a child who is so very “well-adjusted” that surely there can’t be anything wrong with adoption!

If adoption is so wonderful, then why is society creating misery by separating mothers and their babies?

velvet bocephus

It’s that time of year again that I cannot be held accountable for what I say or do. I keep my contacts with the outside world short and sweet. I refrain from all sad stories and troubles that are out of my control. I put my blinders on and focus on the day to day- get out of bed, eat, breathe, bathe.

This time of year- Thanksgiving through my lost daughter’s birthday in February- leaves me lost at sea in emotional wreckage. Like clockwork, I know its first claims on my generally sanguine disposition; that heavy dull ache in my chest settles in just days before the holiday season begins. My sharply-crafted strength of sarcasm loses all its defenses. That heavy dull ache is here to stay for a third of the year, then a brief respite, back to preparing myself for it the following year. We have become so familiar with one another, that I have even given…

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Dear Adoption, If We Both Have Lost

Dear East Indian Adoptee –

No, you won’t be a mother when you finalize an adoption of a foster child. You will be a foster mother and then you will be an adoptive mother. The only mother is the mother who conceives and gives birth.

Don’t trick yourself into believing that the court, by declaring that you are an adoptive mother, will automatically and magically wipe away your infertility. It won’t. The court will not magically make you a mother.

You must accept the fact that you are infertile. Accept it. As you plead in your essay, do not place the burden of your infertility upon the foster child you want to make “your own” via a legal court order. A court order will make you a legally appointed guardian acting as mother, meaning that you will have legal authority over the child, but you will not be the child’s true mother. You will have the privilege of legal, social, emotional and psychological parenting, complete with love and affection (if all goes well), but you will never replace that child’s mother.

Yes, of course you will call your foster-adopted child “daughter” or “son” out of affection and love. And the child may even call you “mother,” but those are terms of endearment, not fact.

Acquiesce to your lot in life. Forcing a foster child to lose her identity because you want to adopt is repeating the same that was done to you.

These are your own words: “Your grief from not being able to have biological children should never be carried by an adopted child. Your intentions don’t matter. I am telling you, as an adopted child and as a woman who is infertile, this loss and grief is not a child’s to bear but bear it, they will.”

Your foster-adopted child will bear the grief of your infertility should you go ahead with your plan because it will be your own intent to steal that child’s identity to make her “your own.”

Now I ask you to rethink your plan.

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Dear Adoption, If We Both Have Lost

Isn’t loss what led many of our (adoptive) mothers to adoption? So frequently many of us heard about infertility and hopes for biological children prior to defeat, acceptance, and then adoption.

I was a last resort.

As an adoptee who grew up hearing about my adoptive mother’s infertility, here are my suggestions and insights:

  • Infertility is none of your adopted children’s business.
  • Please don’t ask your child to bear the weight of what you lost in addition to what they lost.
  • Please be careful and avoid saying things such as, “we hoped for our own children, but God had a different plan”. In most cases this is not comforting. There isn’t really a conversation in which your infertility doesn’t make us feel bad or less than or like a last resort.
  • Please don’t ask adoptees to acknowledge your losses (especially if you…

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Dear Adoption, We Don’t Have Adoption Issues, We Have an Issue With Adoption

Thank you for writing this.

In addition to the global trafficking of children from country to country, it is very important to add here that the Adoption Industry also maintains dominance on domestic adoptions in the United States and other developed countries. Religious organizations and their people see themselves as “saving” children from a life of poverty and deprivation should these children stay in the care of their natural-born parents. Government agencies such as Child Protective Services routinely grab up children to maintain their monthly quotas of children who are then “freed” for adoption, even when cause for removal is not warranted. Private adoption agencies organize around religious fundamental ideologies, or cater to specific recipient clients such as gay men and lesbian women. Many agencies promote themselves as specializing in open adoption, knowing full well that no socially-open adoption can be legally enforced. An open adoption agreement allowing for visitation from the natural mother and father can be, and often is, closed once the adopters decide they no longer want the natural parents to be involved.

It is also important to force the adoption industry to acknowledge the damage done to the adopted person by the continual practice of revoking and sealing the adoptee’s birth certificate – the medical record of live birth. This is identity theft, yet, it is expected to be just one step in the finalization of adoption, in both domestic and intercountry adoption. Once an adoption is finalized, a new birth certificate is created by the Registrar of Vital Statistics office of each state’s capital city, replacing the names of the actual parents with the names of the adopters and replacing the child’s actual name with a name chosen by the adopters. This false-fact amended birth certificate replaces the child’s true birth certificate. It becomes the adoptee’s first document proving identity and parentage, yet the facts presented are fictitious. Adoption is based upon lies.

If a child is truly in danger of harm by living with abusive parents, then yes, remove the child from the home. Provide a safe home for abused children, but identity theft via adoption is not necessary.

Adoption claims identity theft is necessary, but adoption does not admit that the process of revoking, sealing and replacing adoptees’ birth certificates is, in fact, identity theft. Most adopters have the opinion that they are entitled to the new birth certificate as they believe that they need it to prove their legal parentage and they need to prove that they ARE parents.

The perfect answer is reality-based documentation which delineates the split that adoption creates. The facts of life cannot be scientifically denied. The mother who actually carried the pregnancy and who actually gave birth is the mother whose name should be on the medical record of live birth. DNA can and should be tested to prove who the genetic parents are and whose names belong on the child’s medical record of birth.

An adoption certificate would then spell out who the legal parents are, and the facts of adoption (date, time, place, and names of adopters). Adoption and birth are two separate events.

Better yet, Legal Guardianship provides the child with legal guardians while maintaining the validation of the child’s actual birth and identity. Kinship care provides the child continued contact with natural family.
Supervised visitation with abusive parents can be arranged via court order, or completely barred.

Siblings should never be separated. The child who is adopted has a natural and human right to know full and half siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Adoption destroys these relationships.
Many domestic adoption agencies seek out pregnant girls and women to guilt them into believing that they are inferior to the waiting adoptive-parent-wanna-bees. Coercive methods are used to take the infant from vulnerable pregnant mothers, even allowing adopters in the delivery room. Many adopters bypass the child’s actual birth record directly by insisting that their names be recorded on the child’s birth certificate from birth.

The adoption industry promotes delusional beliefs. The victims of adoption, however, live the truth of the negative consequences of adoption.

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Dear Adoption, We Don’t Have Adoption Issues, We Have an Issue with Adoption

“For every family created by adoption, another family exists that has been forever torn apart, either across the street or across the globe.”

–Janine Myung Ja, Compiler of Adoptionland: From Orphans to Activists

To the profitable industry: we, “orphans,” do not have adoption issues, we have an issue with adoption. As a global member of the adoption community since my adoption in 1972 and founder of Adoption Truth and Transparency Worldwide Network, I am writing on behalf of adopted people and human rights advocates who have been abused by your system.

The reason I am writing is because of an urgent need to inform indigenous families of your aftermath should they buy into your system. I have recently learned of the problem within the last decade but have been researching since 2004. The issue has to do with…

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Dear Adoption, I’m Hurting

Have courage, Jerry. You are not alone in this suffering due to adoption. Moving through it all to see some shred of self, some hope, and some happiness is what we survivors do. One step at a time.

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Dear Adoption, I’m Hurting

You took me away to make me better,
you said it’s the only way,
but I never recovered who I am,
it’s like this, still today.

I am supposed to thank you for this,
I’m supposed to be grateful,
my mum I lost and do so miss,
adoption, you are sinful.

I’ll never forget and not forgive,
what you did to me,
I am, with help, beginning to live,
but this, at fifty three.

Jerry Meehan. Lives in NY; originally from Sligo Ireland. Born in 1963. Adopted in 1965. Found birth family, but it didn’t work out. Mum had already passed. Moving on gradually.

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Dear Adoption, What Can I Do?

Re-blogged at Forbidden Family… My comment:

While these sad words of an 11 year old girl are painful, I’m glad that she was able to be a part of an adoptee-centric workshop. Something like this was not available to me or my adoptive family when I was 11 back in the 1960s. I had similar feelings to that of this 11 year old author, but could not express them.

I was told at a young age that I was adopted, but was given no information, other than my mother died. Forbidden to talk about my adoption or to ask questions, I had no choice but to stuff my feelings down. I was raised an only child and loved being a part of my large adopted family. (My adoptive father had 9 other siblings who each had spouses and children. My adoptive mother had 4 siblings.)

My adoptive parents bought into the secrecy and shame surrounding adoption, and so did my aunts, uncles and cousins. As a child, I could sense the fear, anger, and suspicion directed at me because I might find out the terrible secret someday. I heard adults in the kitchen talking loudly, throwing out names of people I didn’t know. When I came in the room, the adults stopped talking, glared at me with their heads down. Something was wrong.

When I was found by my 4 older siblings at my age of 18, it all made sense. The names I heard as a child were the names of my natural mother’s brothers and sister. My extended adoptive family spent an incredible amount of energy preventing me from knowing anything about my family of origin, yet, these adults deemed themselves worthy to socialize with my own blood kin. My adoptive parents were not the ones who regularly visited with my natural mother’s family, but they knew what was going on. When the truth came out, I felt my adoptive parents and my adopted aunts and uncles and cousins betrayed me. Some aunts and uncles and cousins were empathetic to me, but they kept quiet, bowing to the others who believed the myth that “adoptees should never know”. All except one adoptive aunt who told me 10 years into my reunion that she advocated for me to know the truth, but my adoptive mother took the defensive, “No, she’s mine!” attitude.

The deep dark secret I was never supposed to know? My 4 older siblings and our father lived just a few miles away. Our deceased mother’s grave was across town.

I’m tired of people telling me that mine is not the stereotypical teenage mother and unknown father scenario. So what? That does not negate my feelings.

I hope that this 11 year old child is encouraged to further explore her feelings, to continue to be a part of the larger adoptee-rights movement in which she can express herself without being judged. I hope, when the time is right, she can move into a search and reunion with her natural family with maturity and guidance from her adoptive parents and relatives in a loving and caring manner.

The feelings expressed by this 11 year old adoptee should never be a burden on any child. Coping with this during childhood is not a childhood. Waiting to grow up to be able to deal with these unresolved feelings and issues is mental and emotional cruelty; it is abuse.

Search and reunion should not be the goal. What do I mean by this? Children should never be permanently separated from their blood kin, nor should our identities be stolen by our state governments and federal governments. These are immense burdens to place upon a newborn or an older child who learns to cope by stuffing their feelings inside, even when an adoptee seems to be “happy”. When is society going to realize that adoptees are not free to make their own choices?

How to prevent a child from suffering adoption trauma? By preventing adoption in the first place; help parents keep their children. Help the father whose wife died leaving behind five children. Give him the tools and resources needed to keep his family intact by not insisting that “the baby needs two parents” and that a married couple “needs” his child because they have been childless for 18 years (my natural father’s and adoptive parents’ situations). Help the 16 year old girl to improve her own self-image. Give her the tools and resources needed to acknowledge and sustain her own motherhood. This is Family Preservation.

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Dear Adoption, What Can I Do?

I picked these words because they are how I feel about being adopted and about my birth family. I don’t understand why I didn’t get to stay with them. I have half brothers who got to stay.

Lost – If you are born in one family I think you are supposed to be there but I got lost in a different family.

Confused – Am I supposed to find my family when I’m grown up so I can join the family again? Do I only have to stay away while I’m a kid? I don’t know how long I have to stay away.

Worried – I am worried about if I can find them and if they want me to find them. I am worried they want me to stay away except I’m also worried they don’t want me to. I feel bad that…

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