Want to know what it feels like to live every day of your life knowing that you were rejected from the moment of your conception, and then your adoption?
This is how one woman feels. And I see this in many other adoptees as well. For these adoptees, each day is a reminder that your pregnant mom didn’t want you. And that sets the stage for a lifetime of self doubt.
If only we could see ourselves as other people see us.
My feelings of being “bad” began in utero at the very beginning, at the moment of conception. These feelings are stored in my subconscious memory at a preverbal stage of life. I was born out-of-wedlock and I’m a product of a drunken one night stand, an affair with a married man.
The pregnancy was no joyous time for my birth mother. She knew she was going to give me up for adoption. I was told she was never seen without a drink in her hand, and she drank the entire pregnancy. Knowing these things, I believe my birth mother rejected the pregnancy, and I felt every bit of it in utero and I’m sure every day that passed she was eager to just get it over with, and move on with her life.
I was kept a secret from the world, even my own…
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