Bless My Homeland Forever

This song,  Edelweiss, has many meanings for me. First, it is a bittersweet memory from my childhood. My adoptive parents frequently took me to local theater performances of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s musical plays. This song is from The Sound of Music. As a child, yes, this song made me sad.

But now, decades later, I am struck with sentimental feelings of longing to go back into time, a time when I loved my parents with the innocence of the child I was, long before I knew the level of betrayal that my adoptive parents – and most of my adoptive family – inflicted upon me. They knew the truth of my origins and willfully kept it all a secret.

I am also feeling nostalgic for the Homeland (one of many) of my German-Swiss ancestors, places I have never seen, and may never get the chance to see. I am homesick to know where my blood feels at home.

And finally, I want to send this song out to my many adopted friends who were taken from their homelands and brought here to America. I have grown up: Edelweiss now is a symbol of oppression of adopted people.

‪#‎NationalAdoptionMonth2015‬ ‪#‎NationalAbductionMonth2015‬ ‪#‎FlipTheScript‬ ‪#‎Adoption‬

Every Disgusting, Self-Centered AP Cliche Ever

I’ll add one more to #2) “Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts.” Why is it that adopters never consider that the mother of a relinquished baby may actually have died? My mother was not a slut, nor was she a virgin. She was a married mother of four older children when she gave birth to me. My mother died of cancer and my grieving father relinquished me. Yet, all I hear is “birth” mother-shaming. As a real half-orphan, I find the slut-shaming to be disgusting. This blog post gives us a good look into the minds of adopters today.

Snarkurchin's avatarAdopto-Snark

can be found in this article, which the snurchin will entitle Adoption Fills Gaping Hole in Already-Reasonably-Complete Fort Collins Family Ye Gods How They Must Have Suffered! It’s an oldie (June 2015) about a couple who adopted the man’s cousin’s baby.

Cliche 1) APs are selfless, which is why the cost of their charity is your child. Mary and Kevin only wanted to help a woman in need: The couple began talking about how they could help Lexa — a two-time leukemia survivor with dreams of becoming a nurse — raise a child and still attend college in the fall. I swear to you I am not making this up.

2) Relinquishing mothers (like all women in our society) are either virgins or sluts. In this case, the mother is innocent rather than sinful because she is  related to Kevin, the much-smarter adoptive father): “She was a great kid…

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Why Adoptees Are Outraged Over the Kim Davis Hypocrisy

Yet another adoptee writes about the adoptee reform movement’s outrage over the clerk who was jailed for refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. This blogger says, “where is the Christian outrage over adoptees’ falsified birth certificates?”

http://survivingadopted.com/2015/09/04/why-adoptees-are-outraged-over-the-kim-davis-hypocrisy/

I’m sorry Ohio – Your adoptees are not granted full civil equal rights to non-adopted people

Here is an article on good news for Ohio adoptees:

New Law Allows Adoptees to Request Once-Sealed Birth Records

The article begins:

Their applications completed and notarized and the $20 fee paid, Ellaztre Barnett and more than 300 other adoptees left the Ohio Department of Health Vital Statistics Office and went home to await the mail.

And this

Now, adults adopted between 1964 and 1996 — the group that had been barred from obtaining their records — can request their files. Such records usually contain the adoptee’s original birth certificate.

Adults whose adoptions were finalized in Ohio before 1964 already had access. Those adopted on or after Sept. 18, 1996, can receive their files unless their birthparent asks to be excluded.

And this

“Nobody should have to beg or grovel to find out who they are,” she said. “This was like a pseudo witness-protection program.”

I should be happy for my fellow adoptees in Ohio, but I am not.

Perhaps it is because the last quote above really says it all. Adoptees are in a type of witness-protection program. However, we did not step forward, as adults, to witness in court and place ourselves in danger. We did not, therefore, need the government’s help to protect us from harm.

No. Instead, we were born and then adopted. No matter what the circumstances of our conceptions and births, we were stripped of our true identities by the process of adoption. We were given new identities, new birth certificates, and new families.

As a result, our actual birth certificates were sealed. We were issued new birth certificates which are our operable birth certificates now.

We cannot go back. Ever. Unless we have our sealed birth certificates returned to us in full certified fashion.

Even when these bitter-sweet happy adoptees in Ohio receive their sealed birth certificates in the mail, they will not have won the battle. Oh, they will have an uncertified copy of their record of birth, but they will still be bound by the second half of the law that changed their identity upon adoption. Their amended birth certificates are still their operable birth certificates. Their identities are still changed. And their sealed birth certificates are still sealed.

Why did I say that? Because they will be issued UNCERTIFIED copies of their sealed birth certificates, that’s why. That means that the government just releases a mere photo copy and not an officially certified birth certificate. To do so would mean that an adoptee would have two official certified birth certificates, and that, some say, would give adoptees the opportunity to commit fraud.

Commit fraud? By taking back our sealed identities?

The whole concept of identity theft of millions of infants and children for the sole purpose of being adopted makes my blood boil.

I realize that my comrades in Ohio are jumping for joy right now.

I am not jumping for joy. They will get a piece of paper that will give them information that they never had before. But that uncertified piece of paper is not an official recognition that the birth actually took place. These adoptees have won nothing but the right to own a piece of paper that has information written on it.

These adoptees still are not free to claim the name printed on their sealed birth certificate. They still are legally bound to the name on their  operable birth certificate – the amended birth certificate made after they were adopted.

If that is all they want, fine.

But I want more. I want a certified copy of my sealed birth certificate. The government took it away from me for no reason other than I was adopted at my age of one year and one week old. My birth certificate was changed three months later.

I want to know from these Ohio adoptees: what will your uncertified birth certificates look like? What words will be stamped across the front – “Not for Official Use” or ” For Genealogical Purpose Only” or “Pre-Adoption Birth Certificate” as is the case in other states that have passed adoptee-access laws.

How will you feel when you are confronted by those words on your birth certificate?

Is Ohio’s release of uncertified sealed birth certificates to adoptees a step in the right direction?

I am not so sure. While once I thought this would be a victory (and I happily supported other states in their push to pass access laws) I know the truth is that we will not have our full civil rights returned to us. That will only happen when adoptees are granted access to our full, certified, birth certificate that was sealed from us upon the finalization of our adoptions.

I’m sorry Ohio. Your adoptees are not granted full civil equal rights to non-adopted people.

 

 

 

AdoptionLand: From Orphans to Activists

Congratulations, Daniel Ibn Zayd,on your inclusion in AdoptionLand: From Orphans to Activists. The editor, Michael Allen Potter, asked me to contribute. I didn’t. I was immersed in another project at the time. And I thought I should leave space for other adoptees to give their voices. I said that to Cryptic Omega recently. She thanked me. She now has a place in this intense and much-needed anthology. I am glad to see names of people I know, comrades in this journey of self-discovery, of frustration and determined social and legislative efforts to change the forces that made us who we are today. Congratulations all who contributed! Congratulations on the book re-launch today! https://www.facebook.com/events/1582385132006583

Newborn Does Not Want to Leave Mother

This just about says it all: https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=600391320048469

Taking newborn away from mother at birth breaks this natural bond. Adoption is unnatural. Practice adoption prevention instead.

Words on Women’s History by Gerda Lerner

 

Something very important came my way just after I posted my previous post. A friend on Twitter inadvertently made me aware of the following series of photos, with captions, by Gerda Lerner, PhD. Her words on Women’s History were taken from an interview.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/517702919640410530/

They Deserve Your Baby

And, this is Boxing Day, hurry up! Sale prices close at midnight!

ellecuardaigh's avatarelle cuardaigh

handing_over_baby_small

To wrap up #FlipTheScript for National Adoption Awareness Month (also called Gimme A Baby Month) I would like to discuss the unfairness of everything. I’m talking to anyone in their childbearing years who is capable of creating a baby:

Why haven’t you? More specifically, why haven’t you made a baby for someone else?

All those empty cradles and empty arms! Couples desperate for an infant, holding fundraisers to pay the dubious legal fees, begging for “their” baby to come home. How can you let them suffer? How can you in good conscience keep your latest newborn (how many do you have: two? three? are you in competition with the Duggars?) knowing infertile couples are suffering? They want your baby! They need your baby! They deserve your baby!

They are obviously better than you. They have more money. They would love your child more. They would give your child more…

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“Adoption—the Santa Claus Syndrome”

As I reflect on my childhood, I now am uncomfortable with the concept of Santa Claus.

Today, I would not intentionally lie to my children, but I did, because their father and I went through our children’s early childhoods taking them to see Santa in the Mall and we dutifully laid out cookies and milk and hid presents under the tree.

I now see that I was guilty of imposing the Santa Claus Syndrome on my children. As an adoptee, I should have known better. But I fell for the cultural bias of the times. And I now despise what I did, and I despise the way I was raised, too, with lies of all sorts.

Sure, as a young child I was delighted, but when I realized that the wonder of Santa was a lie, I felt deceived.

Just as my childhood was ending, at 18, I got the biggest shock of my life. That’s when I was found by siblings I was never supposed to know. That’s when all the lies told to me by my adoptive parents began to unravel. That’s when I saw, for the first time in my life, that I had a birth certificate in the name of Joan Wheeler, but I also had one in the name of Doris Michol Sippel. And, like Judith Land, I also had two baptismal certificates, each handwritten and certified by the Catholic priest at our parish, the parish of my birth and baptism. So many lies. As Judith says, this lying and perjury “is not acceptable behavior”.

Judith Land's avatarAdoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child

“You don’t have to be a child to be a victim of Santa Claus syndrome. Anyone who has ever been intentionally lied to, is aware of the hurtful feelings of deceit. Santa Claus syndrome is the intentional deceit of others with the rationalized ideal that tarradiddles, falsehoods, untruths, lying, fair tales and perjury are acceptable behavior.” —Judith Land, Adoptee

Santa Claus Syndrome There are things in this life that we must come to terms with at some point in our lives. Some childhood awakenings are quite simple, while others become quite traumatic.

The threat of being judged and exiled has a strong effect on the human soul and the fragile psyche and the spirit of an adoptee. “Santa Claus only brings presents to good little boys and girls. If your behavior doesn’t improve, we’ll send you back to where you came from.” I know these feelings from firsthand experience. I had never had an honest or open conversation…

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Adoptee Aselefech Evans on Washington DC TV Explains “Flip the Script”

 

Aselefech Evans, founder of Ethiopian Adoptees of the Diaspora, joins the Good Day DC crew to spread a message about National Adoption Month and how adoptees are “flipping the script.” #FliptheScript

http://www.myfoxdc.com/Clip/10892606/adoptees-flip-the-script#.VHYdE1VeqZo.twitter